Flowers

This week one of the RAIN club officers texted me to apologize for forgetting to come by my classroom and get some permission forms that she had asked me to copy for her. She said she was distracted by her girlfriend presenting her with flowers right after her last class that day.

I told her it was no problem, and then commented that no one brings me flowers any more. :( (In Noah's defense, I am allergic, so although I LOVE flowers, having them in the house tends to make me sneeze.)

This morning she came to my classroom with one long-stemmed red rose for me. A friend of hers (and former student of mine) was already in my classroom getting help from me with his math assignment from a different teacher.  This kid has been like a therapist for the last couple of years, and always insists that I tell him how my life is going. He commented that I should notice that the rose was "single." It had a very thick stem, so I commented back that it was also strong. One single, strong and beautiful rose.

I love my job!

...and my kids...

...the ones at my house as well as the hundreds that have come and gone from my classroom over the past decade. I am very blessed with angels in my life.

:)

Depression

I recently saw the stake president at my church meetings. He greeted and chatted with me, then mentioned that he had called my father-in-law a few weeks ago.

So I asked Noah's dad about it this past weekend, and he said that the phone call was to forewarn him that they may need to call Noah to a disciplinary court.

For what, I'm not sure. I'm pretty sure I've never heard of a court being held for "word of wisdom." There are no morality/chastity issues....not yet, anyway. Does looking for a boyfriend count?

I guess it could be apostasy...

I couldn't sleep well that night.

When I mentioned it to Noah the next day, he became very frustrated. "I was thinking of resigning my church membership anyway. I guess now is the time." Then he settled into a bout of depression that lasted over the weekend.

I wish he was still taking his antidepressants. He claims he is fine without them, but I'm getting tired of this roller coaster...

The List

When I was in the LDS Young Womens program as a teenager, I'm pretty sure that I made a list of what I wanted in a future husband so that I could keep certain qualities in mind as I began to date and seek for that special someone to be with forever.

Now, I have begun mulling over a new list just in case I ever decide to seek for a new relationship in my life.  Here is what I have so far, in order of importance.

1.  Straight
2.  Completely and totally in favor of gay rights, including gay marriage, and okay with me being a gay-rights advocate.
3.  LDS would be good, or if not, LDS background with testimony, and if not, then Christian background with strong faith in God and Christ.
4.  Likes to cook.  Not sure I can live without this one.
5.  Good with kids.
6.  Likes yard work.
7.  Organized and motivated to keep things organized and working.
8.  Okay if he likes sports, but NOT a sports fanatic.
9.  Handy man with regards to computers and other household basics.
10. Good, stable employment, including benefits and retirement plan would be nice.

Hmm, I'm sure I could go on, but this is enough for now. I doubt this will be an easy search.

ARK

I recently watched "Evan Almighty" with the kids. What a great film. I loved the ending message. Life is about ARK: Acts of Random Kindness.

Just thought it was appropriate to this blog, and wanted to share.

Thanks to all of you for the kindness you show to me. It means a lot!

Happy Birthday, RAIN style

RAIN decided to have a party and celebrate a couple of birthdays for people in the club. They invited students from the club at a neighboring school, and we all had a blast. A mom of one of the ally kids in the club made and donated the cake. It was gorgeous and yummy! The kids planned and brought everything they needed. I turned on my disco ball with ABBA music playing. Everyone hung out, visited, talked, ate, made their own ice cream in Ziploc backs, some danced. No one wanted to go home, but finally, I told them I had to go. Everyone helped clean up.

I just wish everyone could understand like I do that these are normal teenagers. They are such good kids and I am so lucky to call them friends.

I hope the club continues to survive. I recently heard a story of students in St. George trying to start a club between four high schools, and meeting with resistance from the community and the administration. When a principal was reminded that legally he had to allow the club, or get rid of all clubs, he chose the latter.

So sad.

One group of students have stopped coming. One of them stepped down as an officer. There are kind of two groups of friends, and the two groups were not getting along. It is sad, and I hope it is not a sign of how hard this club will be to keep going, especially in years to come. There have to be students who want to run it and are willing to work together.

But in the meantime, they all know that I am there for them, and I am grateful for that.

Is it inevitable?

The marriage chapter in "No More Goodbyes" makes it seem so.

A woman I work with that was married to a gay man (who was in the bishopric at the time he came out to her many years ago) seems to think so. They stayed together for another 5 years. (We are only at 18 months.) His boyfriend has now turned him against her and the (now grown) children.

Noah always recommends against marriage (to a woman) to other young gay Mormons. Why is that, when what we have seems to work so well...

After meeting other gay Mormon men, some married and divorced, others planning to divorce, another who after being married for 30 years has his wife's blessing to do anything he wants (pretty much) except to have sex with other men and be public about his gayness...Noah also wonders if it is inevitable, if that nagging to know what it would really be like will just get stronger and stronger, and that not exploring it will mean living for the next 50 or 60 years with accepting the fact that yearnings and desires will not be met, a constant nagging of "what if...".

Is this the path to divorce? Is it inevitable?

My greatest fear used to be earthquakes...

What am I afraid of, he wonders?

He wishes he hadn't even brought up the subject tonight, but I knew something was on his mind, and it might as well hurt now rather than later.

Can we set some new limits, he wonders? Can he let his guard down, seek friends that do not know me and love me and have an incredible desire to protect me and therefore keep themselves from getting close to him? And then, if he were to fall in love, can we cross that next bridge when it comes?

Why does the grass have to be greener? Why was I chosen for this experience...this refiners fire?

It came just the same!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

These are the words that started going through my head a few weeks ago when I read an article about gay couples. In a nutshell, it talks about how census data shows that gay couples are very similar to straight couples in income, home ownership, and even in raising children. The article mentioned how surprising it is that in Wyoming and Utah, where gay marriage (or even civil unions) are far from legal, there are a higher percentage of gay couples that live as though they are married that in other states.

Huh. So, gay marriage comes without a legal piece of paper, with churches and individuals fighting them on every side. Somehow or other it comes just the same. Maybe it means just a bit more than the tax benefits and such that come from marriage. Maybe it means more than just sex and selfishness. Maybe, perhaps, it means love and commitment and family.And maybe, just maybe, that could be a good thing for society.

Meanwhile, while organizations argue that we need to "save the children" from viewing this alternative type of family, wouldn't it be better for children to learn that families are different, and that Bobby who has two dads or two moms still has a family that is part of the community and deserves respect? Because regardless of whether or not gay marriage is ever legal here in Utah, the fact is that these "marriage-like" situations with families and children continue to exist, and will continue to do so. They are not going away.