2nd Place Winner!

At my school we have a long-standing tradition of decorating the main hall with trees for the 2 weeks or so before Christmas break. Each club and organization is invited to put up a tree, and then there is a contest and the winner is announced at the Holiday assembly on the last day of school before the break.

Last year the RAIN club decided they wanted to do a tree, and so they proceeded to make plans and collect supplies.

One of the girls donated a tree. Another bought colored icicles. Others donated old ornaments from home, and I donated colored paper for paper snowflakes. They then spray-painted and decorated the tree by color, from red at the top down to purple at the bottom. It was awesome.

The girls had some rainbow candy sticks for club treats while they worked on it. Several of us thought the candy would look great on the tree, but the student who brought it was afraid that it would get stolen off the tree.

So what if it does, I said. Let's put messages of equality on the candy sticks, and that way when students steal them, they get a message to go with it!

So that's what we did. We also made ornaments out of colored cardstock with the same quotes on them.

It looked awesome!

At the assembly, ever tree got its own individual award. There were probably 20 trees or more. Ours was deemed "The most colorful" but also took second place.

They used pretty much the same tree this year (except the candy sticks were gone) and won second place again with a different group of student judges.

Here are the quotes I found for the tree, in case you are interested:

Human beings seldom step outside of themselves to really grasp the needs and fears of others. We often project our own thoughts and beliefs upon strangers, and make judgments based upon how we think they 'should' be living their lives. If only we could experience a few moments inside the feelings of another person, the world would be a much more compassionate and benevolent place.
— Chelle Thompson, Editor of Inspiration Line

Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed citizens can change the world. Indeed it is the only thing that ever has.
— Margaret Mead

Being unwanted, unloved, uncared for, forgotten by everybody, I think that is a much greater hunger, a much greater poverty than the person who has nothing to eat.
— Mother Teresa

We will never know the difference that can be made in our life and the lives of strangers unless we choose to be open to all possibilities.
— Chelle Thompson, Editor of Inspiration Line

The highest result of education is tolerance.
— Helen Keller

The greatest and noblest pleasure which we have in this world is to discover new truths, and the next is to shake off old prejudices.
— Frederick II, the Great

I think we have to own the fears that we have of each other, and then, in some practical way, some daily way, figure out how to see people differently than the way we were brought up to.
— Alice Walker

Man is always inclined to be intolerant towards the thing, or person, he hasn't taken the time adequately to understand.
— Robert R. Brown

Perhaps travel cannot prevent bigotry, but by demonstrating that all peoples cry, laugh, eat, worry, and die, it can introduce the idea that if we try to understand each other, we may even become friends.
— Maya Angelou ("Passports to Understanding")

How do we create a harmonious society out of so many kinds of people? The key is tolerance, the one value that is indispensable in creating community.
— Barbara Jordan

People take different roads seeking fulfillment and happiness. Just because they're not on your road doesn't mean they've gotten lost.
— H. Jackson Brown

Until you have learned to be tolerant with those who do not always agree with you; until you have cultivated the habit of saying some kind word of those whom you do not admire; until you have formed the habit of looking for the good instead of the bad there is in others, you will be neither successful nor happy.
— Napoleon Hill

Never look down on anybody unless you're helping him up.
— Jesse Jackson

The goal of compassion is not to care because someone is like us but to care because they are themselves.
— Mary Lou Randour

Oppression involves a failure of the imagination: the failure to imagine the full humanity of other human beings.
— Margaret Atwood

Until he extends the circle of his compassion to all living things, man will not himself find peace.
— Albert Schweitzer

There is more hunger for love and appreciation in this world than for bread.
— Mother Teresa

We are not fighting for integration nor are we fighting for separation. We are fighting for recognition as human beings.
— Malcom X

It takes no compromising to give people their rights. It takes no money to respect the individual. It takes no survey to remove repressions.
— Harvey Milk

All men are created equal. No matter how hard you try, you can never erase those words.
— Harvey Milk

Choices

I could choose to be miserable.

Somehow, instead, I am choosing to be happy and to enjoy my blessings. Not sure how I am even able to make this choice, must be many prayers in my behalf.

I'm sure it is also that when Noah is happy, he is more helpful and kind, and it makes it easier for us all to be happy.

So rather than think of it as losing a husband, I prefer to think of it as gaining someone to help with the honey-do list.

:)

Dragon Training

We recently re-watched the movie "How to train your dragon." I was very impressed with it when we first saw it in the theater, and I was not disappointed watching it again. It follows the same storyline as many great movies and books--conflict and rejection that requires sacrifice but ends in peaceful resolution.

Let's look at the details:

1. Father rejects and is ashamed of son.

2. Vikings fight dragons because they think they are bad, but they really just don't understand them. Stories are told of the dragons, stories told as though absolute truth, but Hiccup discovers that the stories are not true at all, and that the dragons are feared because they are misunderstood.

3. The young generation stands up for what they discover is right, acting with much courage to change tradition. Risk and sacrifice are involved in finally helping the older generation to understand, and years of fighting and fear end up in peace and joy for both the vikings and the dragons.



But for me, the story is not just about Vikings and dragons. There is much more to it than that, a message of hope in youth and in the future.

So, here's to hoping that the new generation will change tradition and bring understanding and peace. Here's to my brave LGBT students. Here's to my loving and accepting children. Here's to hope of a beautiful future and the courage to fight the battle that will get us there!

Flowers

This week one of the RAIN club officers texted me to apologize for forgetting to come by my classroom and get some permission forms that she had asked me to copy for her. She said she was distracted by her girlfriend presenting her with flowers right after her last class that day.

I told her it was no problem, and then commented that no one brings me flowers any more. :( (In Noah's defense, I am allergic, so although I LOVE flowers, having them in the house tends to make me sneeze.)

This morning she came to my classroom with one long-stemmed red rose for me. A friend of hers (and former student of mine) was already in my classroom getting help from me with his math assignment from a different teacher.  This kid has been like a therapist for the last couple of years, and always insists that I tell him how my life is going. He commented that I should notice that the rose was "single." It had a very thick stem, so I commented back that it was also strong. One single, strong and beautiful rose.

I love my job!

...and my kids...

...the ones at my house as well as the hundreds that have come and gone from my classroom over the past decade. I am very blessed with angels in my life.

:)

Depression

I recently saw the stake president at my church meetings. He greeted and chatted with me, then mentioned that he had called my father-in-law a few weeks ago.

So I asked Noah's dad about it this past weekend, and he said that the phone call was to forewarn him that they may need to call Noah to a disciplinary court.

For what, I'm not sure. I'm pretty sure I've never heard of a court being held for "word of wisdom." There are no morality/chastity issues....not yet, anyway. Does looking for a boyfriend count?

I guess it could be apostasy...

I couldn't sleep well that night.

When I mentioned it to Noah the next day, he became very frustrated. "I was thinking of resigning my church membership anyway. I guess now is the time." Then he settled into a bout of depression that lasted over the weekend.

I wish he was still taking his antidepressants. He claims he is fine without them, but I'm getting tired of this roller coaster...

The List

When I was in the LDS Young Womens program as a teenager, I'm pretty sure that I made a list of what I wanted in a future husband so that I could keep certain qualities in mind as I began to date and seek for that special someone to be with forever.

Now, I have begun mulling over a new list just in case I ever decide to seek for a new relationship in my life.  Here is what I have so far, in order of importance.

1.  Straight
2.  Completely and totally in favor of gay rights, including gay marriage, and okay with me being a gay-rights advocate.
3.  LDS would be good, or if not, LDS background with testimony, and if not, then Christian background with strong faith in God and Christ.
4.  Likes to cook.  Not sure I can live without this one.
5.  Good with kids.
6.  Likes yard work.
7.  Organized and motivated to keep things organized and working.
8.  Okay if he likes sports, but NOT a sports fanatic.
9.  Handy man with regards to computers and other household basics.
10. Good, stable employment, including benefits and retirement plan would be nice.

Hmm, I'm sure I could go on, but this is enough for now. I doubt this will be an easy search.

ARK

I recently watched "Evan Almighty" with the kids. What a great film. I loved the ending message. Life is about ARK: Acts of Random Kindness.

Just thought it was appropriate to this blog, and wanted to share.

Thanks to all of you for the kindness you show to me. It means a lot!

Happy Birthday, RAIN style

RAIN decided to have a party and celebrate a couple of birthdays for people in the club. They invited students from the club at a neighboring school, and we all had a blast. A mom of one of the ally kids in the club made and donated the cake. It was gorgeous and yummy! The kids planned and brought everything they needed. I turned on my disco ball with ABBA music playing. Everyone hung out, visited, talked, ate, made their own ice cream in Ziploc backs, some danced. No one wanted to go home, but finally, I told them I had to go. Everyone helped clean up.

I just wish everyone could understand like I do that these are normal teenagers. They are such good kids and I am so lucky to call them friends.

I hope the club continues to survive. I recently heard a story of students in St. George trying to start a club between four high schools, and meeting with resistance from the community and the administration. When a principal was reminded that legally he had to allow the club, or get rid of all clubs, he chose the latter.

So sad.

One group of students have stopped coming. One of them stepped down as an officer. There are kind of two groups of friends, and the two groups were not getting along. It is sad, and I hope it is not a sign of how hard this club will be to keep going, especially in years to come. There have to be students who want to run it and are willing to work together.

But in the meantime, they all know that I am there for them, and I am grateful for that.

Is it inevitable?

The marriage chapter in "No More Goodbyes" makes it seem so.

A woman I work with that was married to a gay man (who was in the bishopric at the time he came out to her many years ago) seems to think so. They stayed together for another 5 years. (We are only at 18 months.) His boyfriend has now turned him against her and the (now grown) children.

Noah always recommends against marriage (to a woman) to other young gay Mormons. Why is that, when what we have seems to work so well...

After meeting other gay Mormon men, some married and divorced, others planning to divorce, another who after being married for 30 years has his wife's blessing to do anything he wants (pretty much) except to have sex with other men and be public about his gayness...Noah also wonders if it is inevitable, if that nagging to know what it would really be like will just get stronger and stronger, and that not exploring it will mean living for the next 50 or 60 years with accepting the fact that yearnings and desires will not be met, a constant nagging of "what if...".

Is this the path to divorce? Is it inevitable?

My greatest fear used to be earthquakes...

What am I afraid of, he wonders?

He wishes he hadn't even brought up the subject tonight, but I knew something was on his mind, and it might as well hurt now rather than later.

Can we set some new limits, he wonders? Can he let his guard down, seek friends that do not know me and love me and have an incredible desire to protect me and therefore keep themselves from getting close to him? And then, if he were to fall in love, can we cross that next bridge when it comes?

Why does the grass have to be greener? Why was I chosen for this experience...this refiners fire?

It came just the same!

He HADN'T stopped Christmas from coming!
IT CAME!
Somehow or other, it came just the same!
And the Grinch, with his grinch-feet ice-cold in the snow,
Stood puzzling and puzzling: "How could it be so?
It came without ribbons! It came without tags!
"It came without packages, boxes or bags!"
And he puzzled three hours, `till his puzzler was sore.
Then the Grinch thought of something he hadn't before!
"Maybe Christmas," he thought, "doesn't come from a store.
"Maybe Christmas...perhaps...means a little bit more!"

These are the words that started going through my head a few weeks ago when I read an article about gay couples. In a nutshell, it talks about how census data shows that gay couples are very similar to straight couples in income, home ownership, and even in raising children. The article mentioned how surprising it is that in Wyoming and Utah, where gay marriage (or even civil unions) are far from legal, there are a higher percentage of gay couples that live as though they are married that in other states.

Huh. So, gay marriage comes without a legal piece of paper, with churches and individuals fighting them on every side. Somehow or other it comes just the same. Maybe it means just a bit more than the tax benefits and such that come from marriage. Maybe it means more than just sex and selfishness. Maybe, perhaps, it means love and commitment and family.And maybe, just maybe, that could be a good thing for society.

Meanwhile, while organizations argue that we need to "save the children" from viewing this alternative type of family, wouldn't it be better for children to learn that families are different, and that Bobby who has two dads or two moms still has a family that is part of the community and deserves respect? Because regardless of whether or not gay marriage is ever legal here in Utah, the fact is that these "marriage-like" situations with families and children continue to exist, and will continue to do so. They are not going away.

Halloween Moon

I thought this was so awesome, I just couldn't resist posting it. :)

Happy Halloween!

Whether by mine own voice...

Today one of our children brought home an activity from school about following directions. He thought it would be fun to use for family night, and then we briefly discussed following and obedience, especially as it pertains to the children doing things we ask them to do WHEN they are asked, (and us as well) so that we don't forget what we are supposed to do. I asked another child to find a scripture that related, and then I suggested Nephi 3:7

1 Nephi 3:7

And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

I agree with this one whole-heartedly, and I am SO trying to do the things the Lord is asking of me. But there is the ongoing conflict. I then posed the question to my husband, "Wait, how can we believe both this scripture AND the one that says that when the Lord's servants speak, it is as though he himself is speaking.

Autn:ID - 16845

Doctrine and Covenants 1:38

What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

Noah then explained it to me, saying that most Mormons quote and understand it out of context. God is saying that His word will be fulfilled WHEN He is speaking or speaking through His servants, not that every word they say are His own words.

Hmmm, very interesting...

Gay Pride Mama

I went to the pride center last week to hang out with our GSA club officers as they attempted to plan out some activities for the club. At one point I mentioned that one of the other advisers of the club might not approve of my hanging out with them.

One girl said, "Right now, you are not high school staff. You are our friend. In fact, I am going to start calling you my gay pride Mama."

Then this tough girl hugged me and started to cry, telling me how much she missed her own mom, who happens to be out of commission for a while. I told her that I would be her mom any time she needed me to be. Then she got mad at me for making her cry. :P

Needless to say, I was extremely touched!

I am proud to be called the gay pride Mama!

Acceptance in Marriage

I am not easy to live with, especially when on "vacation" or at certain times of the month.

So, this summer when a friend accompanied us on our family road trip, he learned just how hard I really am to live with. One morning after Noah and I had a fight, I mentioned to this friend at breakfast (while Noah was away at the breakfast buffet), "I bet you are wondering why Noah has chosen to stay with me." (At this point it had been almost exactly a year since he told me that he is gay.)

He replied, "Yes, the thought has occurred to me."

The friend's open honesty was hard on me and made me start to question my marriage AGAIN. Why does my husband say that he cannot imagine life without me, and therefore stay instead of finding the man of his dreams?

I wish I had blogged about this sooner so that I could remember all of my thoughts and feelings a bit better, but I really struggled for a while with my feelings of worth and my fear of losing Noah at some point in the future.

Fortunately, communication has a great healing power. Noah and I talked about my struggles. He told me about how over our years of marriage he has learned to accept me for who I am, with my emotions and stress and outbursts and nagging and fits and moments of insanity. He has come to realize that much of it is inherited and learned from my upbringing, and that I do not mean to attack him personally when I freak out.

On our wedding day several years ago, he gave me the book "Believing Christ" by Stephen E. Robinson. From the moment we started dating 4 years before, he wanted nothing more than for me to be truly happy. But happiness is always something I have struggled with. While he was on his mission, I struggled with an anxiety disorder. He was hoping that I could find happiness through the Atonement, and that the book would help me to understand it better.

I remember moments of exasperation throughout our marriage when he just wanted me to be happy, but nothing seemed to change my disposition. I was always worrying about something. If it wasn't money (or rather lack thereof), then there was always something else.

But he has gradually come to an understanding of me, of how I thrive on stress. He has also recognized my efforts and successes in trying to be a happier person. But now, with the gay issue in our lives, it has become easier for him to accept me as I am. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have so fully accepted him for who he is. We have learned to see each other and love each other as God does. It is something that takes time and effort, and might seem impossible to younger adults, like our friend, that could not imagine how our marriage will ever survive.

But survive, it does. And not just survive, but thrive. It seems like it just keeps getting better.

I am so grateful for Noah, for his compassion and understanding and patience with me. He will truly earn some points in Heaven for loving me as he has, and I am so lucky to have him in my life.

Is He Gay?

When I was at the pride center last week, I checked out a book that caught my eye at the library there.

"Is He Gay? For every woman who's met the Ideal Man and is wondering...why hasn't he tried to kiss me?" (by Ed Baker and Chris Busick).

Noah and I enjoyed reading it together one night, and here are the thoughts I enjoyed the most! It is comprised of a bunch of comics and scenarios that should scream to the girl, "Hello, he's gay." A page following each comic lists "hints" and a "superhint".


Here's the intro page...

"You've finally met a guy who makes every moment feel like a Kodak commercial. Your inner voice cries, "I DO!" but your sex drive screams, "WE DON'T!" As your relationship reaches new heights of intimacy, the snapshots seem clearly platonic. You ask yourself, "Why didn't I see this coming?" We answer, "Because you haven't read this book."

There is a comic of him holding back her hair while she throws up. What a saint! So much like my gay husband. The superhint: "HE TAKES CARE OF YOU". Yes, he always has. :)

Comic of them cuddling in bed. Hints: "You spoon him...he goes to sleep..." Story of my life!

Other hints: "he cooks", "he can shop till you drop"; superhint: "SHOW TUNES" LOL!

Favorite Store: "The Pottery Shed"; hints: "candles, sconces, throw rug" (Mine loves to shop, especially in kitchen stores or stores with decor.)

Goodbye: "brotherly hugs, passionless pecks"

He doesn't call for days. Then finally...

"Last minute invitation, he's making pasta, video's containing questionable subject matter." (Comic says, "I rented Gods and Monsters")

Getting to know him, "He has great taste and he's neat, drapes are billowy and tied back, subscribes to International Male, Architectural Digest, People, TV Guide, Wallpaper, Exercise for Men Only, Detour, W, Vanity Fair, & Martha Stewart Living." For mine, it is Men's Vogue and Better Homes and Gardens.

"Erratic calling patterns...He's not jealous..."

Comic, girl talking to friend..."I just don't get it." She says, "He's gay."

Comic, on a date: "I have a question to ask you..." He interrupts, "You look so HOT tonight." "I do?"

Hints: "flattery". Superhint: "Strawberry Margaritas"

"He is so not gay. My friend is stupid...I think she's gay."

Hints: "You're in denial" (Footnote: "Possibly, so is he.") ISN'T THAT THE TRUTH! 30-something years of denial for both of us.

Comic: "Let's get out of here!"

But instead of sex, he ends up giving her a facial.

Verdict: GAY!

Disclaimer at the end of the book:

"The authors of this book recognize that the content is one MASSIVE generalization. There are bound to be exceptions. Neither author, in fact, owns a sconce. With that in mind, if you have any complaints, questions, or are single and too pretty, feel free to contact us."

Funny book. :)

RAIN at School

When one of the students at my school walked in the door last Thursday morning and saw the above poster on the wall in the main foyer, he said that he almost cried tears of joy. Another student said he smiled and took a photo of it with his cell phone. The poster was there among banners for other clubs as part of "club rush", where students advertise the clubs that are available for the kids to participate in at our school.

Let's back up to Wednesday morning. I asked a student if she had ever asked the administration if the club was approved enough for them to participate in rush. She immediately went down to talk to him, and came back with great news. His response was that he thought everything was go, and that he saw no reason why they should not be able to participate along with the other clubs.

So, Wednesday afternoon, 4 or 5 of them got together and created these masterpieces.



As you can see, the name of the club that we decided on was RAIN, which stands for "Rising Against Intolerance Now".



Today some of the students at my school (probably 10 or 15) met together to informally vote on officers and then get some plans in place for their first official meeting next week.

The adult supervisors were a bit awkward, trying to give them guidelines and advice, while still adhering to the fact that a non-curriculum club must be run by the students. After the last of them had finally left the room, excited and happy that this was actually happening, the 3 of us stood by the door, just as excited, almost like we were in a dream. I just know this will make a difference to the students, families, and community.

Advice on blogging from a gay Mormon blogger

I was talking to a friend about my decision to start this new blog. He laughed and told me about this blog post from "Soy Made Me Gay". As he read it to me, I had a much needed laugh, so I had to re-post it here for your viewing pleasure!

How To Be A Gay Mormon Blogger

Some of you may be asking yourselves, “But, Clint, how can I be a gay Mormon blogger?” Why with my new patented 21 step program, you too can be blogging your gay little heart out.

Step 1 - Get baptized on your 8th birthday.
Step 2 - Realize you are gay while memorizing your high school’s cheerleader routine.
Step 3 - Have a panic attack.
Step 4 - Try to act as straight as possible for about ten years.
Step 5 - Start reading the blogs of gay Mormons on the internet.
Step 6 - Feel an enormous kinship with people you have never met.
Step 7 - Join an online support group for gay Mormons.
Step 8 - Decide that you aren’t going to participate any more in the online support group (this is best done within two weeks of Step 7).
Step 9 - Sign up for a Blogger account.
Step 10 - Start posting several times a day.
Step 11 - Revel in your new discovered gayness and feel the rush as your challenge your belief system (this is best accomplished by using words like “bubble”, “Prozac Valley”, and “Mormon Corridor” as much as grammatically possible).
Step 12 - Freak out by the “realness” of it all and shut your blog down.
Step 13 - Repeat Steps 9-12 at least twice.
Step 14 - Decide you are going to start a blog with a different tone and for a difference audience than you have previously written: an unabashedly gay Mormon blog for straight Mormons.
Step 15 - Start getting more traffic than you have ever gotten with major traffic spikes when large LDS blogs link to a post (at this point you should notice how the people who comment on your site are much more civil that they are on other sites).
Step 17 - Wonder how your post “5 Things That Straight Guys Do That Are Really Gay” still gets the majority of your search engine traffic.
Step 18 - Have the Church enter into a major political battle with gays in California.
Step 19 - See the worst sides of the two groups of people that make up a large part of who you are - this should change the way you view both of them.
Step 20 - Get one of your posts published in an LDS magazine.
Step 21 - Decide that you want your writing to go new directions. Seeing that your gay Mormon blog has reached the end of it’s usefulness, you decide to bring it to a close.

So that’s it, that’s how you become a gay Mormon blogger. Be sure not to skip any steps however, otherwise you have to start all over again (and Step 1 is way harder the second time around).