Happy Birthday, RAIN style

RAIN decided to have a party and celebrate a couple of birthdays for people in the club. They invited students from the club at a neighboring school, and we all had a blast. A mom of one of the ally kids in the club made and donated the cake. It was gorgeous and yummy! The kids planned and brought everything they needed. I turned on my disco ball with ABBA music playing. Everyone hung out, visited, talked, ate, made their own ice cream in Ziploc backs, some danced. No one wanted to go home, but finally, I told them I had to go. Everyone helped clean up.

I just wish everyone could understand like I do that these are normal teenagers. They are such good kids and I am so lucky to call them friends.

I hope the club continues to survive. I recently heard a story of students in St. George trying to start a club between four high schools, and meeting with resistance from the community and the administration. When a principal was reminded that legally he had to allow the club, or get rid of all clubs, he chose the latter.

So sad.

One group of students have stopped coming. One of them stepped down as an officer. There are kind of two groups of friends, and the two groups were not getting along. It is sad, and I hope it is not a sign of how hard this club will be to keep going, especially in years to come. There have to be students who want to run it and are willing to work together.

But in the meantime, they all know that I am there for them, and I am grateful for that.

Is it inevitable?

The marriage chapter in "No More Goodbyes" makes it seem so.

A woman I work with that was married to a gay man (who was in the bishopric at the time he came out to her many years ago) seems to think so. They stayed together for another 5 years. (We are only at 18 months.) His boyfriend has now turned him against her and the (now grown) children.

Noah always recommends against marriage (to a woman) to other young gay Mormons. Why is that, when what we have seems to work so well...

After meeting other gay Mormon men, some married and divorced, others planning to divorce, another who after being married for 30 years has his wife's blessing to do anything he wants (pretty much) except to have sex with other men and be public about his gayness...Noah also wonders if it is inevitable, if that nagging to know what it would really be like will just get stronger and stronger, and that not exploring it will mean living for the next 50 or 60 years with accepting the fact that yearnings and desires will not be met, a constant nagging of "what if...".

Is this the path to divorce? Is it inevitable?

My greatest fear used to be earthquakes...

What am I afraid of, he wonders?

He wishes he hadn't even brought up the subject tonight, but I knew something was on his mind, and it might as well hurt now rather than later.

Can we set some new limits, he wonders? Can he let his guard down, seek friends that do not know me and love me and have an incredible desire to protect me and therefore keep themselves from getting close to him? And then, if he were to fall in love, can we cross that next bridge when it comes?

Why does the grass have to be greener? Why was I chosen for this experience...this refiners fire?