Halloween Moon

I thought this was so awesome, I just couldn't resist posting it. :)

Happy Halloween!

Whether by mine own voice...

Today one of our children brought home an activity from school about following directions. He thought it would be fun to use for family night, and then we briefly discussed following and obedience, especially as it pertains to the children doing things we ask them to do WHEN they are asked, (and us as well) so that we don't forget what we are supposed to do. I asked another child to find a scripture that related, and then I suggested Nephi 3:7

1 Nephi 3:7

And it came to pass that I, Nephi, said unto my father: I will go and do the things which the Lord hath commanded, for I know that the Lord giveth no commandments unto the children of men, save he shall prepare a way for them that they may accomplish the thing which he commandeth them.

I agree with this one whole-heartedly, and I am SO trying to do the things the Lord is asking of me. But there is the ongoing conflict. I then posed the question to my husband, "Wait, how can we believe both this scripture AND the one that says that when the Lord's servants speak, it is as though he himself is speaking.

Autn:ID - 16845

Doctrine and Covenants 1:38

What I the Lord have spoken, I have spoken, and I excuse not myself; and though the heavens and the earth pass away, my word shall not pass away, but shall all be fulfilled, whether by mine own voice or by the voice of my servants, it is the same.

Noah then explained it to me, saying that most Mormons quote and understand it out of context. God is saying that His word will be fulfilled WHEN He is speaking or speaking through His servants, not that every word they say are His own words.

Hmmm, very interesting...

Gay Pride Mama

I went to the pride center last week to hang out with our GSA club officers as they attempted to plan out some activities for the club. At one point I mentioned that one of the other advisers of the club might not approve of my hanging out with them.

One girl said, "Right now, you are not high school staff. You are our friend. In fact, I am going to start calling you my gay pride Mama."

Then this tough girl hugged me and started to cry, telling me how much she missed her own mom, who happens to be out of commission for a while. I told her that I would be her mom any time she needed me to be. Then she got mad at me for making her cry. :P

Needless to say, I was extremely touched!

I am proud to be called the gay pride Mama!

Acceptance in Marriage

I am not easy to live with, especially when on "vacation" or at certain times of the month.

So, this summer when a friend accompanied us on our family road trip, he learned just how hard I really am to live with. One morning after Noah and I had a fight, I mentioned to this friend at breakfast (while Noah was away at the breakfast buffet), "I bet you are wondering why Noah has chosen to stay with me." (At this point it had been almost exactly a year since he told me that he is gay.)

He replied, "Yes, the thought has occurred to me."

The friend's open honesty was hard on me and made me start to question my marriage AGAIN. Why does my husband say that he cannot imagine life without me, and therefore stay instead of finding the man of his dreams?

I wish I had blogged about this sooner so that I could remember all of my thoughts and feelings a bit better, but I really struggled for a while with my feelings of worth and my fear of losing Noah at some point in the future.

Fortunately, communication has a great healing power. Noah and I talked about my struggles. He told me about how over our years of marriage he has learned to accept me for who I am, with my emotions and stress and outbursts and nagging and fits and moments of insanity. He has come to realize that much of it is inherited and learned from my upbringing, and that I do not mean to attack him personally when I freak out.

On our wedding day several years ago, he gave me the book "Believing Christ" by Stephen E. Robinson. From the moment we started dating 4 years before, he wanted nothing more than for me to be truly happy. But happiness is always something I have struggled with. While he was on his mission, I struggled with an anxiety disorder. He was hoping that I could find happiness through the Atonement, and that the book would help me to understand it better.

I remember moments of exasperation throughout our marriage when he just wanted me to be happy, but nothing seemed to change my disposition. I was always worrying about something. If it wasn't money (or rather lack thereof), then there was always something else.

But he has gradually come to an understanding of me, of how I thrive on stress. He has also recognized my efforts and successes in trying to be a happier person. But now, with the gay issue in our lives, it has become easier for him to accept me as I am. Maybe it has to do with the fact that I have so fully accepted him for who he is. We have learned to see each other and love each other as God does. It is something that takes time and effort, and might seem impossible to younger adults, like our friend, that could not imagine how our marriage will ever survive.

But survive, it does. And not just survive, but thrive. It seems like it just keeps getting better.

I am so grateful for Noah, for his compassion and understanding and patience with me. He will truly earn some points in Heaven for loving me as he has, and I am so lucky to have him in my life.

Is He Gay?

When I was at the pride center last week, I checked out a book that caught my eye at the library there.

"Is He Gay? For every woman who's met the Ideal Man and is wondering...why hasn't he tried to kiss me?" (by Ed Baker and Chris Busick).

Noah and I enjoyed reading it together one night, and here are the thoughts I enjoyed the most! It is comprised of a bunch of comics and scenarios that should scream to the girl, "Hello, he's gay." A page following each comic lists "hints" and a "superhint".


Here's the intro page...

"You've finally met a guy who makes every moment feel like a Kodak commercial. Your inner voice cries, "I DO!" but your sex drive screams, "WE DON'T!" As your relationship reaches new heights of intimacy, the snapshots seem clearly platonic. You ask yourself, "Why didn't I see this coming?" We answer, "Because you haven't read this book."

There is a comic of him holding back her hair while she throws up. What a saint! So much like my gay husband. The superhint: "HE TAKES CARE OF YOU". Yes, he always has. :)

Comic of them cuddling in bed. Hints: "You spoon him...he goes to sleep..." Story of my life!

Other hints: "he cooks", "he can shop till you drop"; superhint: "SHOW TUNES" LOL!

Favorite Store: "The Pottery Shed"; hints: "candles, sconces, throw rug" (Mine loves to shop, especially in kitchen stores or stores with decor.)

Goodbye: "brotherly hugs, passionless pecks"

He doesn't call for days. Then finally...

"Last minute invitation, he's making pasta, video's containing questionable subject matter." (Comic says, "I rented Gods and Monsters")

Getting to know him, "He has great taste and he's neat, drapes are billowy and tied back, subscribes to International Male, Architectural Digest, People, TV Guide, Wallpaper, Exercise for Men Only, Detour, W, Vanity Fair, & Martha Stewart Living." For mine, it is Men's Vogue and Better Homes and Gardens.

"Erratic calling patterns...He's not jealous..."

Comic, girl talking to friend..."I just don't get it." She says, "He's gay."

Comic, on a date: "I have a question to ask you..." He interrupts, "You look so HOT tonight." "I do?"

Hints: "flattery". Superhint: "Strawberry Margaritas"

"He is so not gay. My friend is stupid...I think she's gay."

Hints: "You're in denial" (Footnote: "Possibly, so is he.") ISN'T THAT THE TRUTH! 30-something years of denial for both of us.

Comic: "Let's get out of here!"

But instead of sex, he ends up giving her a facial.

Verdict: GAY!

Disclaimer at the end of the book:

"The authors of this book recognize that the content is one MASSIVE generalization. There are bound to be exceptions. Neither author, in fact, owns a sconce. With that in mind, if you have any complaints, questions, or are single and too pretty, feel free to contact us."

Funny book. :)